Sunday, March 16  

Amend

Vic is big on amends. As in making them.

amend: verb 1. to make right what is wrong. 2. to prepare a new version of. 3. to advance to a more desireable state.

Things which top her list of amendables: her relationship with her father, her self-centered way of believing that everyone's pain and suffering is somehow her fault, her disgusting smoking habit.

Usually, when Vic wants to make amends she tackles it first by writing. Not necessarily the most effective way of making amends. Especially if the person you're trying to make amends with isn't able to read what you've written. But it feels like a softer way to start so that's what she does. Always giving herself the easy way out.

In fact, she once started a novel in an attempt to make amends with everything and everyone around her but found that she was constantly amending what she'd written with the understanding that if it ever *were* read, she'd be ashamed of how much she'd actually let out. Besides, after 120 pages she'd lost all sympathy for the character "I" which she took to be a bad sign. If you can't side with yourself, who's going to side with you?

Vic often wonders if refering to herself in the third person might help with that because she always seems to have more sympathy for other people's truths and doesn't feel the need to amend them at all.