Tuesday, May 27  

Control

Vic is hugely into control. The way a teenager might be into skate punk. With that much devotion and that same strict adherence to every aspect of its style so that it infects her fashion, her speech, her emotions, her dreams and her wants.

control: noun 1. The right and power to command, decide, rule or judge. verb 1. To exercise authority or influence over.

The difficulty with the dictionary definition of control (and indeed the reality of it) is that it relies on the person/emotion/desire being controlled to comply with one’s command, to recognize one’s authority over itself, to agree complicitly to be ruled.

While Vic has enjoyed much success in the control of inanimate objects (her alphabetized cd and book collections, her very clean bathroom), she hasn’t done all that well with people. Herself or others.

The reality is that when it comes to personal relationships, Vic much prefers to be controlled than to be the controller. She assumes the passive position like it’s her birthright.

If someone tries to push her up to the top, she gets stubborn and unhappy. She’ll do it for a time, take charge, make things happen, decide what needs doing, but she won’t enjoy it and she’ll lose all interest in the person who’s put her in that uncomfortable position.

Weakness is a quality much despised by Vic in anyone but herself. But then so is too much strength. Typically, she wants to control the exact level of controlling she’s likely to receive from anyone.

William was awfully weak and it led to Vic having to take care of everything most of the time. Rob had no weakness about him at all and she that would make him perfect until she realized that no weakness at all isn’t very interesting and it’s hard to fall in love with someone who’s cold like a cement barricade.

What she needs, she decides, is diluted mastery. Someone who can lead her into love with a firm grip on the back of her neck.