Wednesday, February 16
Exhaustion
Despite her usual aggressively determined energy to undertake, to do, to fix, to complete, Vic seems to have hit some lower level of tiredness recently that makes it impossible for her to achieve anything more adventurous than getting out of bed and back into it at night. Whatever she may accomplish during the work day is thanks only to the compliance of routine, her clients and her coworkers.
exhaustion n. 1. The state of being exhausted; extreme fatigue.
Vic’s visit to the energy basement isn’t entirely physical. Though Graycie is unhappily cutting some teeth just now -- which has meant several nights over of hourly waking, walking through to the nursery, patting, shushing and stumbling back to her own bed with her eyes still closed. Still, Vic has been physically exhausted before and has managed to deal with it, continue on, keep it up and soldier through. (bless a good cliché)
This time, there’s something all-encompassing about the exhaustedness she’s feeling. Something large as life. An ennui, if you want to be French about it, that leaves everything quite pale and uninteresting looking.
First, the honest truth is that she is failing at her job. Her job that she used to do with one typing finger and an extreme drive to accomplish. Suddenly, banking software doesn’t seem so all-fired important to Vic’s life-schematics, other than, of course, from an end-user point of view (where would we be without online banking after all?).
She is tired of her grumpy coworkers, especially now that she is as grumpy as them. She finds the antics of her management-style-deficient boss to be less funny now that she used to. When she (the boss) announces a company-wide ban on internet use (personal and professional, mind you) on Fridays, Vic has a hard time laughing. Instead, she tears off her glasses (which she only uses at work, it’s ruining her eyes too!), slams her forehead into her desk and almost cries with the sheer exhaustion of dealing with stupidness of this calibre. She takes none of the joy she once would have in pointing out to her boss that they are an internet company and banning the use of their number one product is beyond the most retarded, ridiculous, pointless piece of bullshit accidental management she’s ever heard of.
Finally, her enthusiasm for personal endeavours have been put to bed by recent rounds of bad luck with technology (bad hosting, hijacked bandwidth, no access to her personal banking for several days, oh the irony). It is with dreary drop-shoulders that she considers never ever taking on a personal project ever again.
Only that would leave her with nothing more interesting to do at work, but work. Which is an exhausting thought on it’s own.
posted by Vic |
2/16/2005 08:36:00 AM |
2 comments
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